By Domonique F. McCord
As I began to write this introductory column at a time when I think, ?all is clear,? my six year-old son yells, ?MOMMY!?? I reply, ?Yes, Daniel,? and he responds, ?I just want to know what you?re doing.? As a mother I?ve come to realize my time will almost never be ?clear? unless I?m exceptionally intentional about carving out? ?Me time.?? I never intended to be a single parent but here I am? but you see my challenges as are those of many mothers; single, cohabiting, and married.? We are searching for balance?
Often in therapy my ?mother clients? table their needs to attend to their family and doing less than that is considered being less than a mother.? Everything about their day and routine is based of being a mom and nothing is wrong with that if it works for both your family and you.? When it doesn?t, I challenge my clients to think about the long-term effects of tabling/sacrificing their needs: resentment, depression, anger, and not to mention the physical impacts of stress on the body.? The reality is emotional challenges of any kind in either parent can interfere with parenting quality and increase the risk of children developing mental, behavioral and social problems.
What I come to realize is that how mothers view balance has a huge impact on their ability to obtain it. ?We get stuck in the negative thought pattern of an ideal of what a balance looks like.? It can be as simple as a cup of coffee in coffee shop after you take your children to school or deciding to send them to the after school program so you have the a few more hours after work to do what you please and be refreshed when your children get home?. all of which I?ve done!
I encourage mothers to get past the feelings of guilt when they wanted a break to balance out their day-to-day routine.? I often tell folks, ?Daniel and I don?t have separation anxiety.??? Breaks whether they are for a hour or two or a weekend allow me to be more present when I?m with my child.? Focusing on the quality of experience you have with your child allows you to create more opportunities to have quality time with yourself.
From my perspective, everyday we have a new opportunity to try it?again or try something new.? Choosing to aim for balance, as a mother is a testament of a mothers desire to be the best mother she can be.
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Domonique F. McCord has a passion for helping others heal and reach their potential. As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Domonique understands the interconnectedness of individuals, communities, and society, and she believes that partnerships provide bridges toward the healing of mind, body and spirit. Domonique is the founder of DFM Wellness Alliance, a mental health & professional development organization that collaborates with clients to develop and utilize practical skills to cope with life?s challenges. She holds a Bachelor of Science from Northwestern University and a Master of Social Work from the University of Chicago. ?Find out more about DFM Wellness at?www.dfm-wellness.org, and you can also follow her on Twitter (@DFMWellness) and Facebook (Facebook.com/dfmwellnessalliance).
Source: http://healthyyounow.com/home/2012/09/me-time-mental-health-and-motherhood/
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